From one wannabe runaway to another

2009-06-15T03:43:00.000-07:00

This year started well......but have had lots of bumps (especially for my family members ........i am trying to make them understand that making proactive choices rather than ignoring things until crisis is good coping strategy). Then of course there is my health....
For once i would like to have a year only filled with loads of fun, great success in everything i do, good health, and lots of travel around the world (just for pure exploration and to know interesting cultures, historic sites and people).
When o when is this going to happen?
Is this wanting to run away?

Anyhow.....i did read a book called Three cups of tea (about Pakistan) that gave me tons of inspiration. A book called 'Dallits' made me sad and determined to see justice for the untouchables of India. A book about two young American women captured in Afghanistan made me appreciate safety at home.
Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell (and his other 2 books) made me determined to practice, practice, practice for 10,000 hours so that i can be skilled at something and achieve high (if you read the book you would know.................that Bill Gates etc. were not born geniuses ....they got skill this way).
The Food Network and other cable tv channels made me see exotic places and food. My own building has people from many parts of the world.
Mmm........don't know how to find goo health. Where do i look? I know many people have been healed by reading the Bible (and Derek Prince's book 'God's medicine bottle' has given keys that caused him healing in 6 months.....and for someone that read this booklet and practiced the same healing came in 2 days.......all based on the Bible).

So.....there is hope after all!

New Year 2009

2008-12-31T00:55:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to everyone.

I hope 2009 is a better year for everyone than 2008......that the Global Economy gets better....families are united......warmth and love is felt in every heart.....that we all become greater overcomers and exude optimism.

I have been lax in updating my blog site....but i will try my best to come back to writing again.

An update of my 2008: The year started with me having a dream that i was going to get answers to some life's challenges. I am waiting for it to be fulfilled.

In the mean time...I went to a Seminar in January that talked about 'Pursuing, overtaking, and conquering' adversities in our lives. Through the year i worked on my book, had a booth at Missionsfest where i presented a poster that i had commissioned (It was a miracle that i had a booth there cos it is very expensive; but i didn't have to pay that much). By the end of this year about 170 posters were given to the artist...and about 330 have gone to different parts of Canada, a few places in the US, Asian countries, Africa, and one or two even to Europe. A few posters were supposed to be in Mexico but it was lost at the Airport.

In June i went to see my family for 3 weeks (i had not seen them for 3 years)...and came back...and within a few days i had to rush there again cos my father discharged himself from a hospital in Asia even though he needed quadruple heart bypass surgery then got on a plane and came to Canada...subsequently was rushed to hospital for the surgery. We did not know if he was going to survive....and thankfully he did.

This past year i have been fasting and praying for my family and myself.....and have seen quite a lot of prayers answered....and even some of my heart's desire granted. But once again i am pressing in with prayer and fasting to see more breakthrough in my family.

Lots of obstacles have happened.....but books, teachings, etc. came into my hands that showed me the same exact message about faith and healing. Now i am practicing those things because it is no coincidence that the same message came to me from every side within a span of a few months.
Much snow has come and gone....and i overheard on the news channel that more is to come. But i need to keep working on my book instead of getting distracted by the holiday family movies and cooking shows on tv.

I am thankful for more reconciliation with my family....................as i have practiced 1 Cor. 13 (Love is patient, love is kind....etc. ). Great appreciation goes to my friends that also fasted for me and at times one or two of my sisters.

This year as i heard that the price of rice and other food went up and up ....and in Africa and Asia people were hard pressed to eat even one meal ....i am thankful for the food on my table and the roof over my head. I am thankful that i live in a country that has a medical system (even though many cuts to that health care system caused much suffering to many we still have a health care system). I am thankful that i can enjoy music, and friends, and movies, etc. I grieve for esp. children in the world that have never experienced simple joys in life ...instead that they have experienced more than most would ever in the Western world. May God's mercy and care go to those ones. I will never stop praying for them.

2008-02-14T20:06:00.001-08:00

Happy Valentines Day!!

(Image from http://my.opera.com/magic_mania/albums/show.dml?id=37023 )

Domestic Abuse Safety Plan

2008-02-14T19:50:00.000-08:00

(From the Oprah show)
Safety planning for someone involved in an abusive relationship is a necessary and important step. Planning can begin while you're still with your abuser or after the relationship has ended. While still in an abusive relationship, your safety is of primary importance.

Keep these tips in mind when planning to leave an abusive partner:

Before you leave…
Get help to make a plan.
Create a code word.
Document your abuse.
Pack an emergency bag.

Document your abuse by…
Keeping a journal.
Seeing a doctor.
Filing a police report.
Taking photos.

Pack an emergency bag with…
Money
Your checkbook and bank info
Credit cards
Identification for you and your children
Car keys
Court papers
Medications

After you leave…
Tell family and friends.
Get an order of protection.
Put 911 on speed dial.
Change your cell phone number.
Change your daily routine.
Avoid being alone.
Find a safe place to stay.

To find out more about creating a safety plan, visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline's website or call 800-799-SAFE.
To find out more about creating a safety plan, visit www.ndvh.org/help/planning.html or call 800-799-SAFE.

*Information from The National Domestic Violence Hotline, www.ndvh.org. Copyright © from The National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Is running away worth it?

2008-01-18T19:15:00.000-08:00

First have to ask the question why are we wanting to run away?
1) Is it because of boredom? (eg. from doing chores etc. ) Then we definitely can do something about it. Think creatively. Problem solve. Do things in new ways. Do things that would uplift you. Do things with others.
2) Is it because of frustration or fear? Then talk to lots of people (your school counselor, friends, relatives, religious leader, …..ah the list goes on). What can you change and what can’t you? Change the things you can. Find information and ways to handle things you can’t change.

3) Is it because of no money? Don’t need money to find happiness. Your brain is your best asset. Think of free things. Think of ways you can get what you want (positive ways…..without harming others). Nature is free. Library books are free. Friendships are free (relatively).

4) Are you in a life threatening situation? Then get out of your situation in a safe way. Get information (books, from organizations that give free help, support groups etc.). Find some positive solutions before you leave your situation. Don’t wait till it is too late. But don’t ‘jump from the frying pan to the fire’. Make sure you have a plan before you leave the situation. Get support from people. Even us ones that come from ‘saving face’ cultures can do things so that we don’t loose face. Do what you have to do. For goodness sake don’t just wait and do nothing till it is too late.
Life is precious. There is beauty, happiness, everything at our fingertips………..we only have to take a step.

People………..don’t watch others suffer and do nothing. Everyone’s life influences and impacts everyone else’s in some way (especially in our sphere of influence). Sooner or later you will need someone else’s help. So…maybe today you can help that person that needs your help. Lets change the world (and in the process ourselves) one person at a time.

Canadian author
life story
overcoming trauma
Canadian immigrant
South Asian culture
child abuse
recovering from abuse
physical abuse
emotional trauma
children's rights

Song: Because of You by Reba and Kelly Clarkson

2007-12-31T03:55:00.000-08:00

Reba McEntire Because Of You (kelly Clarkson) [LyricsYouLove]

Domestic Violence in India and S. Asia (Al Jazeera-English tv)

2007-12-13T01:15:00.001-08:00

I found this on You Tube............it is an expose done by Al Jazeera-English tv. It is truly eye opening.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQW3Cc7kU94 (part 1 of 'Witness the Violence' video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtmaC4xiLqM (part 2 of 'Witness the Violence')

Please, please watch it. It will change how you view domestic violence in the world (It exposes cultural attitudes, stereotypes, etc.).

Mother Theresa type family

2007-10-15T00:17:00.000-07:00

(Darrel's India photo)

I saw an amazing program on tv this afternoon. They talked about a Canadian family called Monique and Stewart Shaw that have gone to India and are working with child sex slaves, thrown away street kids, prostitutes, etc. I think they themselves have kids....but have sacrificially gone to work with these destitute people. They need for helpers to come and volunteer........or send funds....or send supplies to help children etc.
They truly go to lice infested, wound infested, ill or beaten and battered children and women, and show care and love to them. I know that i could not face this kind of desperation. I have never met these people..........but the least i can do is share their website so that people can go check their site out.
http://www.atthewellministries.net/ourministry.html

And here is a blog account (that i found on the web) of someone that did go and help short term : http://hannahprice.blogspot.com/

And this is the program where i first heard about Monique and Stewart Shaw: http://www.livingtruth.ca/

2007-10-02T21:58:00.000-07:00

Pomegranates: What do they remind me of? This particular picture shows a fruit that is damaged on the outside.....yet wholesome on the inside. It reminds me of us human beings...................sometimes we can be battered and bruised on the outside...................but can stay fresh, emanating wonderful sweet smelling aroma to others. But...the choice is ours of course.........whether we become bitter or better. Forgiveness is the difference. Of course forgiveness does not mean being stupid. We have to set boundaries, sometimes even not see the person for a time.........................but we still can do forgiving things in our heart (and sometimes in practical ways) towards that person. I felt so tempted to cut communication off towards my mother.........especially when for the umpteenth time she had said something or done something that showed me that she preferred my sisters to me. I truly felt hurt and angry. It was just like years and years ago when abuse had happened. It was almost like reconciliation had not happened.

At first we were not really speaking to each other. Since i live far away from my family that was easy. But it was not my choice, it was my mother's choice (after i had done a much needed intervention in my sister's life....for her benefit; especially because i knew that my sister would not survive long if i didn't). Also cultural embarrassment, appeasement, fear of my sister doing something drastic in retaliation to my intervention, caused my mother to be really angry at me.

But, i prayed that God would heal our relationship. Then 1 Corinthians 13 came to my mind. Love does not keep a record of wrongs, love is patient, love is kind.........................etc. etc. This meant i had to choose to forgive once again. It was painful to phone her and speak to her knowing that she had said something horrible to me before. But as i kept practicing the love scripture................................change happened. I started seeing her heart better. Also i started doing a family tree project.....which caused her to be excited about something.....something i was doing. A meeting place as it were. But i could only practice this unconditional love only after i got healed of many things. It is really important to resolve past issues in one's life in order to allow the good to come in. First we have to change before we can change others.

That's it from me for now. Hope this encourages you.

Encouragement to overcome

2007-03-16T01:31:00.000-07:00

Getting social support when you are going through difficult circumstances is very important. With the help and encouragement of professionals, family, mentors, friends, etc. we can overcome anything and everything. If we keep things in, isolate ourselves, pretend nothing is wrong,...........then through time it can lead to disaster. The more you keep things in the more stress, anxiety, fear, health problems, etc. happen. Then things seem much bigger and hopeless than what it really is. Sometimes it is so easy to feel like there are no answers to the things we are struggling with. But, brainstorming with others can bring great solutions.
Sometimes it is easy to feel like you are the only one struggling with some particular problem. This is a lie. The bible says there is no new thing under heaven. If you are struggling with something, others somewhere in the world......maybe even in your own community .....are struggling with the same things.

And for us ones that come from shame based cultures........like the Asian culture....................every human being goes through the same things. No need to hide. No need to feel shame. Nothing is worth demeaning our worth. Even if we make mistakes......we are worthy; we are of great value. If you feel shame find ways to overcome the shame feeling. Don't let it keep you down. Don't let it hinder you. Don't let shame win over you. Don't let culture or any other human being say that you are less than what you are: a highly valued human being no matter what great embarrassing thing you have done even to bring 'dishonor to your family' eg. by marrying someone your parents won't approve of, or choosing the wrong profession in life.

Have a successful, purposeful day by thinking of solutions rather than focusing on problems.

Glitter

2007-01-23T01:45:00.000-08:00

Song called 'Held'

2007-01-22T03:46:00.000-08:00

If you want a very soothing, healing, song...............then listen to the video. The song is called 'Held' by Natalie Grant.

Happy listening!!

Lyrics to 'Held'
(Written by Christa Wells in the wake of losing two loved ones)

Two months is too little. They let him go. They had no sudden healing. To think that providence would Take a child from his mother while she prays Is appalling. Who told us we’d be rescued? What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares? We’re asking why this happens To us who have died to live? It’s unfair.

Chorus: This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness. We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow. The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus) This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that the promise was When everything fell we’d be held.

Bridge: If hope is born of suffering. If this is only the beginning. Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus) This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that the promise was When everything fell we’d be held.

Welcome. Stay a while...have a coffee and lets talk..

2006-06-03T14:01:00.000-07:00

Homage to S. Asian victims in Canada 2000 ff

2006-06-03T12:55:00.000-07:00

Saving face as South Asian women (and children) die

CANADA: "Justice for Jassi" petition
Posted by Joanne Payton on Saturday, June 30, 2007 (21:40:30) (1305 reads)

No one deserves to be killed for love

A petition that seeks Justice for Jassi who was murdered by her family after traditional values clashed with love.

Beautician Jaswinder Kaur Sidhu from Maple Ridge, British Columbia was kidnapped, tortured and killed in June 2000.
______________________________________________
Domestic violence; 'Gender bias' alleged as B.C. A-G speaks out
Brian Hutchinson, National Post Published: Saturday, April 07, 2007
VANCOUVER - Wally Oppal, B.C.'s Attorney-General, called it a "cancer" in the province's Indo-Canadian community. He was speaking about domestic violence. Specifically spousal assault: Husbands beating their wives. Sometimes killing them.
For being blunt, Mr. Oppal was taken to task by some of his fellow Indo-Canadians. They implied he was a self-loathing traitor to his ethnicity and culture.
That was five months ago, after a string of murders and violent episodes involving Indo-Canadians in B.C.'s Lower Mainland. Two women had just lost their lives, allegedly at the hands of their husbands. Another Indo-Canadian woman had been shot in the face and was permanently blinded. Her husband then shot himself and died.
Paramjit Singh Ghuman had already been charged once for beating his wife, Gurjeet Kaur Ghuman, a Port Coquitlam nurse. Mr. Ghuman was on bail at the time he committed his final assault.
And now two more women have been killed. On Thursday, about 70 women gathered in Vancouver's Punjabi market to honour the deceased and to protest the violence that continues. Indo-Canadian women continue to die, apparently for no reason other than being young, independent of spirit -- and married to Indo-Canadian men.
Navneet Kaur did not show up for work last week in Phoenix, Arizona. Her husband, a Vancouver man named Avtar Grewal, was apparently in town; career paths kept the couple apart but Mr. Grewal was known to fly to Phoenix from time to time.
Colleagues went to Ms. Kaur's house and found signs of a struggle. They saw blood. Police were called and they discovered Ms. Kaur's lifeless body inside the house. She was 30 years old.
Her husband, meanwhile, was on a flight to India. Mr. Grewal, 35, was apprehended in New Delhi and is now in Indian custody awaiting possible extradition to the United States where he may face charges in relation to his wife's death.
Those familiar with the couple have said Mr. Grewal did not like being separated from his wife, and wanted her to leave her job at a Phoenix-based medical services company where she was a software engineer. Members of Ms. Kaur's family are reported to have said that "many restrictions" were put on her. Allegedly, Mr. Grewal had attempted "to keep her confined" and had prevented her from attending a family wedding. Ms. Kaur, by several accounts, was unhappy in her marriage and was contemplating a divorce.
Two weeks earlier Mukhtiar Panghali, a resident of Surrey in suburban Vancouver, was charged with second-degree murder. His alleged victim: Manjit Panghali, his pregnant wife.
A popular 30-year-old elementary school teacher, Ms. Panghali was last seen alive in October at a prenatal yoga class. She never returned home. Her husband waited 26 hours before telling police she was missing. He then insisted to reporters he was not involved with her disappearance; however, there were indications she had antagonized members of his family including his younger brother Sukhvinder, whom she did not want living in her house.
Earlier, Sukhvinder Panghali was charged with criminal harassment of another woman. At his sister-in-law's insistence he moved into an apartment suite along with his parents.
Ms. Panghali's charred remains were found a week after her disappearance near a busy ocean port terminal in south Surrey. In addition to the murder charge, Mr. Panghali is charged with indecently interfering with a body. His brother, Sukhvinder, is charged with the same offence, and with being an accessory to murder.
In February, Amanpreet Kaur Bahia, 33, was found stabbed to death inside her Surrey home. A native of India and a farm worker, she had lived in Surrey with her husband, Baljinder, their three young children, and Baljinder's parents.
No charges have been laid; a police investigation continues. Mr. Bahia told reporters after his wife's funeral that he "is a suspect" in her murder. "The whole family is suspect," he added.
Navreet Kaur Waraich was stabbed to death in her Surrey home late October on her 27th birthday. Her husband, Jatinder Singh Waraich, is charged with second-degree murder and scheduled to go to trial this month.
Mr. Oppal cannot comment on the specific nature of these incidents, of course; however, he will point out the glaring similarity. He has refused to back down or retract his earlier comment. He thinks he got it right. There is a sickness in the community. It is cultural and it has to be confronted.
"Those of us in the criminal justice system know there is a disproportionate number of domestic assaults in the South Asian community," says Mr. Oppal, a former justice of the B.C. Supreme Court. "Regrettably, people are still in a state of denial about it."
According to Mr. Oppal, there is "clear evidence of gender bias in the Indo-Canadian community. Young girls are not as valued as young boys," he says.
The imbalance is demonstrated early on, he adds. "Teachers tell me that so many Indo-Canadian boys are uncontrollable from a disciplinary perspective. They bring that conduct to their personal relationships. But many people don't want to talk about that. They just don't want to do anything about it.
"Saving face is too important in our community to admit there is a problem, but it's obvious."
People outside his community seem even less inclined to discuss the issue. When Mr. Oppal addressed domestic violence in Indo-Canadian society, some mainstream academics actually demurred.
"Bringing in the 'Indo-Canadian' aspect of these women's identities stems from the persistent racism of our wonderful multicultural nation," wrote a pair of Simon Fraser University assistant professors in an opinion piece published in the Vancouver Sun.
Such warnings may be well intentioned but they are not helpful. Cultural factors do impact domestic behaviour, and can play a role leading to violence, says Ninu Kang, director of family programs at MOSAIC, an immigrant and refugee services organization based in Vancouver.
"I thought Wally Oppal's comment about a 'cancer' in the community was tremendous. I applaud it," says Ms. Kang, herself of Indian descent. "And he's right about the culture's gender bias. It is very much the case in the South Asian community."
Her organization runs programs for immigrant men who have been convicted of domestic abuse. Many participants exhibit similar traits, says Ms. Kang, including a desire to "control" their female partners, who come to Canada seeking -- and often finding -- freedoms they did not enjoy at home.
This can be especially true of South Asian women, she adds.
Indo-Canadian husbands can feel pressure to exert authority over their wives, especially in cases when the marriage has been arranged and when the couple lives with the man's parents.
"It can be problematic when living in extended family units, with different generations under one roof," notes Ms. Kang. "A woman may find herself in much more of a traditional role than she is used to or wants. Even if she loves her husband, she may be unhappy. And that can put stress on the husband."
"What I'm seeing is a backlash against women who are exercising their new empowerment," says Ms. Kang, who leads group discussions with abusive men.
"Keep in mind that people are still coming to Canada from places such as India where these freedoms may not exist. They arrive with traditional values and suddenly their world opens up to them. And this can threaten their husbands, and their families."
HTTP://WWW.CBC.CA/NEWS/BACKGROUND/INDIA/WOMEN.HTML

IN DEPTH
India
Trapped by abuse, the long struggle for women's rights
Last Updated Aug. 16, 2007
by Georgie Binks
Women in New Delhi march on International Women's Day to call attention to the abuse of women worldwide, March 8, 2001. (Saurabh Das/Associated Press)
Last Saturday, in the heart of India's south New Delhi, two men poured acid and gasoline on Tarveen Suri, 36, then set her on fire. They burned 80 per cent of her body. Police are investigating what they call a "strained" relationship with her husband.
Suri is just one of thousands of Indian women attacked yearly as a result of domestic violence. A UNICEF report in 2000 stated 45 per cent of married men in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh acknowledged physically abusing their wives during marriage.
That same report states that 5,000 women are killed by their husbands and in-laws each year in "accidental" kitchen fires. Other killings take the form of acid attacks and honour killings. Yet other atrocious behaviour plaguing some Indian women includes bride burning, female infanticide, eviction of widows and murders over dowry issues.
Prominent Indian lawyer and activist Indira Jaising said earlier this year in an interview that domestic violence is so pervasive in Indian society that it's difficult to talk about other issues, such as education or employment for women, when many are so trapped by abuse.
From The National
Pakistan: Land, gold, women
Jaising and women's groups in India have been instrumental in forcing the government to pass the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, which became law two years ago. While it protects women from violence, the country still has no law against marital rape.
Old traditions die hard
Abuse of south Asian women isn't just confined to India and Pakistan. When immigrants seek a new life in Canada, sometimes the old traditions die hard. In the past year, several B.C. women of Indo-Canadian descent have died as a result of domestic violence. They include Manjit Panghali, a young mother whose body was found burned in October by a roadside in Delta. Her husband, Mukhtiar Panghali, was charged in connection with her death. That same month, Navreet Kaur Waraich, the mother of a four-month-old boy, was stabbed to death in Surrey. Her husband, Jatinder, has been charged. Gurjeet Kaur Ghuman was blinded after being shot in the face by her husband, who then killed himself. Sadeqa Siddiqui, co-ordinator of Montreal's South Asian Community Women's Centre, says, "The problem is that women are considered second-class citizens. This is a male society — men are ruling."
Although this type of violence doesn't apply to the vast majority of Indo-Canadian families, the problem is worrisome enough that there have been large public forums to address the issue in British Columbia.
Abused at conception
Baljinder Narang, a spokesperson for the We Can End All Violence Against Women, B.C. Campaign, formed in June, agrees. "It's deep-rooted. Women are abused at the point of conception. Their fetuses are aborted if it's discovered they're female.
"When they're born, the father of the bride is already worrying about the dowry. He thinks if he kills her before she's born, he won't have to provide a dowry for her."
Narang says many young boys grow up with violence in the home and end up repeating it with their own wives. Educating them to change their behaviour is important. Men must be told that their attitudes need to shift and that it's a human rights issue, she says. As well, Narang says women need to be taught they're not objects of abuse just because they've seen their mothers and grandmothers in that situation.
Earlier this year, B.C.'s attorney general, Wally Oppal , angered some members of the Indian community when he spoke out about the violence. He called it a "cancer" in the province's Indo-Canadian community.
Some of his fellow Indo Canadians implied he was a traitor to his ethnicity and culture. His reply was, "Saving face is too important in our community to admit there's a problem, but it's obvious."
Siddiqui says many women are afraid to complain. "Once you come out in society and complain about sexual harassment or abuse, police and the neighbours see you differently. You're not a victim, but they will victimize you more."
However, she says South Asian women must speak out if they're experiencing violence.
"Women are suffering in isolation. It's not because the police aren't doing anything, but because their society is isolating them. We always try to show how happy we are at home. I think all women are suffering the same degree of abuse.
"Society needs to know that it was happening 100 years ago, but in the 21st century we are not going to take it. Abuse is abuse."
Right now, both women are working to educate those in the Indian community, but they are taking it slowly and carefully. For instance, Siddiqui is teaching small groups of women about violence using a theatre setting. Narang is teaching people to try to change attitudes about violence with five other people they know.
She explains, "We know things won't change overnight, and we might lose other women in the process, but the target audience is people bringing up young kids. They need to create an environment where there is no violence."
http://www.rediff.com/news/2007/nov/22can.htm
Cops investigate murder of Indo-Canadian family

Ajit Jain in Toronto November 22, 2007 18:14 IST
Last Updated: November 22, 2007 20:11 IST
The Ottawa police has begun investigations into a gruesome crime involving an Indo-Canadian family.
They first found three bodies in a single-family home on Wednesday and after several hours when they went again to search the place, they reportedly stumbled upon the fourth body.
The police are wondering as to how during their first inspection, they missed the fourth body.

The deceased have been identified as Santbir Singh Brar, wife Amanjeet Brar, daughters -- Dildeep, 22 and Manmeet 20.

It is being reported that Brar first shot his wife and then his two daughters. He then turned the gun on himself. Reports say the gun was found next to his body.

Police haven't found any suicide note.

When the police first received the call at around 2 am from a person who reportedly expressed concern about a relative living in the southern part of Ottawa, they went to the scene, rang the bell but there was no response, no movement and so they came back.

But the officers went again early next morning and smashed the window to gain access to the property.

That is when they reportedly discovered the gruesome scene inside. At that time the police discovered three bodies -- two females and one male, all adults.

Surprisingly, the police found the fourth body when they went again in the afternoon to search the house.

According to a published report, Constable Alain Boucher couldn't explain why the fourth body was not discovered in the first instance.

"A quick search of the house was done initially to make sure there was nobody injured and nobody was found," he is quoted as saying. "At closer inspection, she (another female) was located," Boucher said.

The investigation has now been taken over by the major crime unit of the Ottawa police.

_________________________________________________________
http://muslimahmediawatch.blogspot.com/2007/12/real-tragedy.html
Thursday, December 13, 2007
A Real Tragedy
This past week the death of Pakistani-Canadian teen, Aqsa Parvez, has been in the news in Canada. This terrible tragedy has made headlines because of the nature of her death – she was strangled to death by her own father in their Mississauga, Ontario home. Before I say anymore I would like to pray that God bless her soul and grant her paradise. Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajioon (meaning: Verily we belong to Allah, and to Allah we return). I would also like to join the many other voices out there that have absolutely, under no uncertain terms, condemned this horrific murder. May she rest in peace.

Aqsa, a Muslim girl of 16, was said to have had trouble with her family. The reports from her friends demonstrate that there was a large rift between herself and her parents. According to news reports, her parents wanted her to dress in what they felt was proper Islamic attire, whereas she wanted to wear more Western style clothing and integrate with her non-Pakistani, non-Muslim friends. It appears that her family had a great deal of trouble with this and the result was the tragedy of her murder.

When we speak of Islamic dress the piece of clothing which gets the most attention is the hijab. Many have reported that the arguments between Aqsa and her family were often about the hijab as Aqsa, who at one point wore the hijab, had decided to remove it. Her family wanted her to wear it.

The media of course has been all over this case and all over the hijab. I cannot blame them though. Anytime a parent kills their child it does tend to make the news. However, the hyper focus on the hijab has been frustrating. Just some of the articles include Girl, 16, dies after hijab dispute with father, Father says killed daughter in hijab case , Dad charged after daughter killed in clash over hijab. This is especially frustrating as at this point we are not clear on the motive. Disagreements on Islamic clothing as motive are only speculations based on accounts by Aqsa’s friends. However, most media stories have appeared to focus mainly on the Islamic clothing, namely hijab, issue. One article in The National Post even has as, its picture, the eyes of a niqabi woman, even though the niqab has not once been mentioned in this whole tragedy. Not to mention that this particular story is entitled The deadly face of Muslim extremism. The content of the article focuses on the messages being given to Muslims about the proper attire for a Muslim woman, and although they make some relevant points, the argument is lacking and the title inaccurate. Such titles only work to further reinforce a fear of those "crazy Muslims." The article furthers this fear by stating that the messages in mosques are the cause of such acts. Although one may say that the messages about proper female attire may be questionable, I think insinuating that mosques condone killing one's children if they do not conform is a dangerous and inaccurate accusation.

From the news reports it would appear that the main reason Aqsa was killed and the main reason there was a clash between her and her family was that she did not dress Islamically enough for her family. Obviously, as this is the only lead the media has, they are taking it and running with it. And I have no doubts that this indeed was a point of argument in her home. However, this, to me, seems to be an insufficient and shallow explanation. Additionally, this focus may take away from another problem which may be more relevant and which the media has shed some light on - that of cultural integration of immigrant parents and their children and cultural clashes which result.
Dressing in one manner at home and another at school is one way young Muslim girls in Canada are negotiating competing cultural demands, says Jasmin Zine, a sociology professor at Wilfrid Laurier University. In her research with Muslim girls, Ms. Zine said, she has rarely encountered youth who are being coerced into wearing a hijab by their parents; however, many Muslim girls in Canada are struggling to reconcile Muslim traditions with more secular Western behaviour.“For some youth, what they do is develop a double persona. At home, they're the good Muslim kid, they pray and they fast and go to mosque,” she said.“When they go to school, they become a different person. They create a persona to fit with the competing cultural demands of home and school.”(The National Post , Muslim girls can play cultural chameleons, researcher says)

Ms. Parvez's friends described the Grade 11 student at Applewood Heights Secondary School as someone who was drawn to Western culture even as her family adhered to a devout form of Islam. (The Globe and Mail)

Although we are focusing on the culture clashes of a Muslim girl, and I do not deny that the interpretation of Islam probably did play a role in sad events, I also cannot ignore the fact that the Parvez family did come from a very patriarchal culture. A culture in which a father is supposed to be able to control every aspect of his daughter's life. And although some Muslim organizations have correctly pointed out that the hyper focus on a Muslim woman's clothing within the wider Muslim community plays a role and must cease to define a Muslim woman's worth (MCC), the real and difficult cultural pressures which children of immigrant parents, all immigrant parents, face is being overshadowed by their exclusive focus on Islam.

Aqsa's family was from a strongly patriarchal culture but was living in one in which patriarchy is challenged at every step.* Her family was from a culture in which children do as their parents say because, due to their collectivist culture, they are expected to place the needs of others (especially family) above themselves, even if it means sacrificing their happiness. However, they were living in an individualist culture in which each person's uniqueness and individuality is emphasized and praised. Many children of immigrants find themselves juggling these two dimensions.

Apart from the role of Islam and culture, we must always remember that, at the end of the day, this was a case of violence against a woman. The result of patriarchy and in its worst manifestation. And although there is some merit in bringing to attention the pressures of clothing among Muslim women, the real issue in this case appears to be something much greater. We should not lose sight of this in the media portrayals of the case.

*Canada is still patriarchal but to much lesser degree than South Asia.
POSTED BY DUNIYA AT 1:30 AM

________________________________________
Woman dead, husband in custody in Surrey
Last Updated: Wednesday, January 16, 2008 5:24 PM ET
CBC News
Story Tools: E-MAIL PRINT Text Size: S M L XL REPORT TYPO SEND YOUR FEEDBACK
Homicide investigators are at a house in Surrey, B.C., on Wednesday, after a 50-year-old real-estate agent was found dead and her husband was taken into custody.
RCMP were first called to the 15400 block of 91A Avenue around 11:30 p.m. Tuesday.
Subalini Ratnanesan was found dead inside her home in what RCMP Sgt. Rob Morrow described as a "dramatic scene."
Her husband, 51-year-old Sivapragasam Ratnanesan, was found injured and taken to hospital, Morrow said. He was later released into the custody of homicide investigators.

Homicide and forensic investigators were inside the home Wednesday and police were not releasing the cause of death or any other details.
Morrow would not say whether Ratnanesan was considered a suspect in his wife's death, and would not comment on speculation the incident was a murder-suicide attempt.
The couple was from Sri Lanka and had two children — one daughter in high school and another attending university in Edmonton, neighbours told CBC News.
Subalini Ratnanesan was a real estate agent with Homelife in the Fleetwood neighbourhood, they said.

Police are now providing more details about the murder of a baby girl
Jan, 18 2008 - 1:30 PM
DELTA/CKNW(AM980) - Disturbing details are emerging after the murder of a baby girl in Delta.
According to Constable Paul Eisenzimmer, Delta police were called to a home in the 78-hundred block of 116th around nine in the morning after receiving a call about a murdered infant.
“Our officers arrived at the scene and confirmed that a young child was, in fact, dead. A single male has been arrested for an investigation of homicide. Currently, detectives from the criminal investigation branch are at the scene and preparing a search warrant to enter the property.”
Neighbors tell CKNW the man arrested is Lakhvinder Kahlon – an out-of-work drywaller who is a father of three daughters who was depressed because he had no sons.
A friend of the family who used to live in the home says the children’s mother took her two oldest daughters to school and came home to find the infant murdered.
Police won’t confirm Kahlon was arrested and will only say there is a family connection between the suspect and the dead infant.